As the potential death of Kaila’s and my beloved trash son in Avengers: Infinity War approaches, I thought it would be a great time to look at all the amazing outfits that might have been, or might yet be. Both the Netflix Marvel shows and the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) draw heavily from the comics to inspire their visuals, and Loki, like so many supervillains, is sort of the definition of try-hard when it comes to his supervillain costumes.

1.This Blessed Abomination of a Fur Cloak from Mighty Thor #17 by Jason Aaron (writer), Russell Dauterman (artist), and Matt Wilson (colorist)

Like, look at this thing. The hump on the head is not covering the horns; it’s just an aesthetic choice. There are literal, multiple wolf heads trailing on the ground behind him. This cloak is t r y i n g.

2. This Perfect Pairing of a Bette Davis Fur Coat With Your Very Fanciest Armor from Siege: Loki by Kieron Gillen (writer), Jamie McKelvie (artist), and Nathan Fairbairn (colorist)

How many ridiculous outfits and accessories can you pack into one ensemble? You aren’t really a god of mischief and chaos if you aren’t willing to find out.

But seriously, the fact that this is a ’40s Hollywood starlet fur coat, rather than a Viking-style fur cloak, is what makes the look.

3. The Always Iconic, Always Over-The-Top Lady Loki Ensembles, as seen here from Thor #5 (2007) by J. Michael Straczynski (writer), Olivier Coipel (penciller), Mark Morales (inker), and Laura Martin and Paul Mounts (colorists).

This outfit certainly conveys iconic vampy-evil-lady, but with that show-off-y desperation we’ve come to know and love from Loki.

4. Calm It Down With These Fingerless Gloves, as seen in Thor #12 (2008) by J. Michael Straczynski (writer), Olivier Coipel (penciller), Mark Morales (inker), and Laura Martin (colorist).

Loki is the oldest goth in creation, and he is never going to tone it down.

5. These Thigh Holsters Holding Nothing But Decorative Gold Plates, as seen in The Mighty Thor #353 by Walt Simonson

The Asgardians in Simonson’s Thor comics wear so many random heavy decorative plates that their prowess in battle is doubly impressive, and I would like to see this tradition of obnoxious over-decoration brought into the MCU.

(Let’s also bring please Loki’s catchphrase here into the MCU, because “For myself!” is the only true battle cry.)

6. The Most Vainglorious Father Christmas Costume, as seen in Thor #79 (2004), by Dan Jurgens (writer), Scot Eaton (penciller), Drew Geraci (inker), and Avalon Studio (colorist)

Loki was not about to change his signature green just because he also became Sorcerer Supreme. Some people would say it’s trashy to keep your Christmas lights on all year long. But as we can see here, keeping your Christmas ensemble all year is very understated and very tasteful and not the least bit obnoxious.

7. Every Single Instance of Wearing Matching Outfits with Amora, seen here in both Thor: Son of Asgard #7, by C.B. Cebulski (writer), Greg Tocchini (penciller), and Guru-eFX (colorist) and Loki: Agent of Asgard #8 by Al Ewing (writer), Lee Garbett (artist), and Nolan Woodard (colorist)

Most of us stopped matching outfits with our best frenemies in middle school, but Loki and Amora are literal immortals who’ve decided to keep this up forever. (I will perhaps never forgive Thor: Ragnarok for giving us a subplot with Skurge instead of Amora.)

8. This Brazen Yellow Nightmare from Thor # (2003) by Dan Jurgens (w), Paco Medina (pencils), Juan Vlasco (inks), and Brian Reber (colors)

How long do you want this bright yellow cloak? Long enough to gesticulate with like an opera singer. And how do you want to tie it on? With golden doorknocker skulls the size of my actual face.

9. The Ultimate Accessory (Infinity Gauntlet), as seen in this Thor #700 art by Russell Dauterman (artist) and Matthew Wilson (colorist).

Because let’s see what happens.

(Images: Marvel Comics)

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